I was standing facing his apartment building’s front door from the inside and thought to myself, “This is it. Once I leave, I’ll never come back. I’ll never hear from him again.”
I stood there for a solid ten minutes. I even touched the lock and started to turn it. That door was a metaphor for everything we had discussed before. Why did we meet? Why did we happen to each other? Why is it that every time we say goodbye, we find ourselves saying hello shortly after? Why is this the first time that I feel like I have no control over how I feel about a person?
Then I realized that today was the first time that I had a choice of whether I wanted him in my life. All of those other times before, I said goodbye without having any intention of ever seeing him again. There was a reason that the two of us kept “running into each other” and spent so much time together. He was meant to be in my life. Some force of God was bringing us together every time I try to resist it.
He doubts that he was meant to be my “true love” or “the one” but he believes that he was meant to be in my life for some other reason. I was convinced that he is the person that I was supposed to be with for more than just “right now.”
If I had walked through the locking door that day, I would surely have deleted his phone number, never walked down his street again, and ignored every attempt for him to convince me to be “just his friend.” That was a decision I had to make, to be shut out of his life the way I would be shut out of his apartment building, which is why I stood there for ten minutes.
Then, with full will power, I walked up five flights of stairs, turned the knob of his unlocked door, saw him standing there and said, “This isn’t it. We’re in each other’s lives for a reason.”
Don’t question why things happen to you or why you have come to know someone. Be thankful that it happened at all.
We agreed to stay in each other’s lives and as time goes on, I’m coming to better terms with “it is what it is” and he is in my life and I am in his. There’s no definition for what we are, but without him my life certainly would not be the same. Having him in my life has never felt so right.